It is really possible to have it all? The career, the family, the joy, the fulfillment? I've been a working professional for almost 15 years. (What? How did that happen?) I've been a mother for almost 6. (Again, Really?) The adjustment to motherhood was difficult for me though I didn't realize it at the time. It changed who I was, who I thought I should be and I took my ques from other moms. At the time I felt strongly that I both wanted to work and needed to work. I think the "want" part was more about sticking with what I knew how to do well and avoiding what I had no clue about - motherhood. But being a Mom changed everything about my life and my career was an unexpected part of that. Staying late at the office was not an option anymore. I needed and wanted more flexibility. My priorities changed. I no longer spent all weekend worrying about a specific project. In fact it left my mind as soon as I walked out the door, despite being just as important to my career and the company than before I had a family. Was I less committed? Less of a team player? I think I was less committed. Still am. It's something I struggle with because I'm an all or nothing kind of person and I hate doing things half-assed. Right now I feel that I do both my job and motherhood half-assed because my attention is always divided between the two. Secretly, I want to quit my job and stay home full-time. Am I coping out? Am I afraid of failure, success? At my level in my career, the pressure is greater, the stakes are higher and it's an all-in kind of game. I truly believe I don't want to play it anymore, or at least I need a break from it.
Problem is, of course, two-fold: Do I truly want out of a career, or is it just this particular job/company that's no longer a fit AND can, I really hack it at home? Will I love it as much as I think I'll love it, when I'm trying to get my tantrum throwing 3 year old to preschool on time and he's refusing to get dressed. And last and most importantly, can I even afford it?
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